I have been dead good and done only juices all week – even resisting mash potato and gravy AND ice-cream, but hell I feel bloated.
This is probably a combination of my period being due (when I normally put on anything up to 7lbs, probably fluid retention, not sure), and that I haven’t had a decent crap in days…
Talking of that – I KNOW you’re dying to hear all about my enema experience and why I decided to do a coffee enema!
Well yesterday I got the enema kit out and did a plain water enema as a test run. My sisters were fascinated and wanted to know all the gory details and it was interesting to hear their (mis)conceptions on what it was like, so thought I’d go into more detail with you today, just in case you were wondering
Ok so here’s what happened
Today I brewed up some special coffee I ordered with my kit – S A Wilson’s super fine ground organic – only the best for my bottom!
The kit very handily comes with a very helpful leaflet giving simple instructions on how to use it and lots of enema recipes – yes! there is an enema for every occasion.. liver flush, detox, parasites etc.
So I chose the coffee one – the first in the list. Strangely it doesn’t explain the benefits of a coffee enema, so I wondered if I was a bit thick for not knowing and Googled it. This is what I found out:
- Coffee stimulates the liver and helps remove toxins in the body. Some alternative practitioners recommend coffee enemas for detoxification.
- Coffee enemas are also being explored as an alternative cancer treatment for cancer. A main proponent of coffee enemas for cancer is New York physician Nicholas Gonzalez. Coffee enemas are thought to relieve symptoms such as muscle aches and pains and rashes.
Visit https://www.verywell.com/coffee-enemas-88252 for the full article and to find out if you shouldn’t do one if you have certain health conditions.
To make the coffee enema
I had to put 3 rounded tablespoons of the coffee in 32 fl oz of filtered water in a saucepan, give it a good stir (or whisk) and bring it to the boil. Boil for 3-5 mins then stick a lid on and simmer for 15-20 mins then leave to cool down. Once cool, use a fine sieve (don’t pour it down the sink!) and top back up to 32 fl oz with some more filtered water. Ta dah! You are now ready to use it.
The kit comes with the bag with a hook that I stuck on my bathroom door handle, a clear plastic tube that you screw on to the bottom of the bag which has a stopcock thingy on it so you can control the flow of the solution up your bum, and a very slim plastic nozzle that screws on the end of the tube near the stopcock.
So what you do is pour your solution into the blue bag and make sure you have the nozzle pointed towards a container or hold it upright in case you’ve got the valve open – you don’t want it all over the floor. Let gravity do it’s work and get the solution moving through the tube by holding it down over the container until the solution is coming out the nozzle and there are no air bubbles in the tube, quickly turn the stopcock so it shuts the flow off and pour the solution that came out, back into the bag.
Next I made sure the bathroom door was locked and lay down on a towel on my right hand side, no knickers or clothes on my lower half of course – difficult to get a nozzle up your bum if you’re clothed… ok I DID have socks on so I didn’t get too cold.
I lubed the nozzle with some coconut oil, bent my knees and slid it easily into my anus (bum hole if you prefer). It’s not huge – about 3 inches long, if that, and very slim.
I then turned the nozzle to open the flow.
I didn’t feel much – just a slightly cool sensation and that the level in the bag was going down, told me it was working. When I started to feel like I needed to have a poo, I simply turned the stopcock to stop the flow and waited a few moments until the feeling passed then opened it again, repeating this til the bag was empty. I then turned the stopcock to stop the flow, pulled the nozzle out of my bum and stuck the end in the container and opened the flow so the last bit in the tube emptied out without going all over me and the floor.
Well now I had to try and hold it in for anything up to 20 minutes!
Don’t worry you are not going to suddenly release it all over the place in a slurry, well not unless you have absolutely no muscle tone because you’ve been doing… well I don’t even want to think what you may have been doing if your rear is that slack.
Now where was I?
Oh yes, lying on the floor on my right hand side with about a litre of fluid up my back passage.
Luckily I had the forethought to bring my iPhone in with me which a) told me how long 20 minutes would be and b) was excellent for keeping me entertained during my bathroom imprisonment. Yes, I read your tweets while laying half naked with socks on.
Well I didn’t have any sensations of wanting to have a poo for a few minutes and then the first one grabbed me. Rather than legging it the two feet to the loo after only 3 minutes, I breathed deep and rubbed my tummy in a circular motion until the feeling went. I had to do this several times but I did manage to last the full 20 minutes quite comfortably. What I experienced with the tummy rubbing was the sensation of having gas (yes farts high up inside me), which sort of popped with the tummy rubbing as I guess the solution moved up through my colon.
Once my time was up, I stood up – and no, it didn’t all gush out of me – sat on the loo and relaxed. It took a nano second to start to exit my body, like peeing from my bum, and all I can say is – beware of splashback and make sure you have something to clean the loo if need be afterwards.
It was not like having a satisfying poo as there was nothing solid believe me and I did sit there for a while, NO straining though, to make sure all that was going to come out was out.
It was a great relief to finally pass something, having had several days with no ‘action’ to speak of and I did feel better for it. I did get the sensation to go again about an hour later after a lot of tummy rumbling, as I guess holding it for 20 minutes with the massage, it managed to travel fairly far. But I was never in any danger of pooping my pants.
So there you have it.
I hope I’ve managed to answer any questions you may have about enemas.
They are very gentle to do but if you do them regularly you have to ensure you replenish yourself with good bacteria and it saved my sanity to do one. Do you do them? Let me know and what benefits you had from flushing.