Love Thy Self

In order to love thy self one must be able to look – really look at at who you are.

On the inside and the outside.

Today, I’m talking about the outside.

I have a fascination for looking at others – not only watching people as I’m sat drinking a bloody mary with Bird somewhere, but also looking at people in photographs, or through the eye of a lens on either my iPhone, webcam or Canon Ixus 97015.

I’m not a photographer – I’m a happy snapper and I’d like to thank Gary for encouraging me to do that, many moons ago. To withold the judgement I heap on myself and just start capturing the moments that capture my eye. For my own pleasure.

There is a voyeur in me for sure. And it’s not just others I like to frame but also myself.

I have a love/hate thing going on with looking at myself. No matter how young/old I am or feel. And the funny thing is, how shocking I find the reality that the camera lens gives me.

I also like that I can keep snapping away in this new digital age until I find an angle or light that makes me smile and go YES! I would share this. And in fact I am getting increasing urges to share photos of not only myself  but also others, on my site.

Images that I think are beautiful or erotic or raw with emotion or a combination of all three.

You may have seen various bits of me  already throughout this site – well, definitely if you’ve ever watched my videos *lol* but I do have some vanity, so love it when I can capture myself in a still image and think… yeah, I want to look at this.

My friend Bird, has already taken the plunge and shared a whole lot of her beautiful self on her website and I think she may have uploaded images on to her Facebook page too. The lady who has photographed her has also offered to photograph me. Another friend, G, has offered too. But I’m hesitant.

It’s one thing to angle a camera myself and quite another to reveal myself in front of others. To have someone to really scrutinise every part of me, see all my imperfections in detail. To trust them to capture something that will make me fall in love with myself. Not loathe myself.

And what would it convey? Sensuality? Honesty? Earthiness? Mother? Desire? Revulsion? Fascination? Something else?

I find it hard enough to bare myself with my lover.

Yet there is a part of me that wants to just strip off and run around naked and say LOOK AT ME! *lol*

So maybe, I need to start capturing myself on film again. As I am right now. All rolls and folds, blemishes and saggy bits… but with eyes and cleavage to distract from those a bit when I’m feeling vulnerable. Maybe. Maybe I need to start looking for what I love about my body. And share that.

How powerful would that be?

Have you ever taken artistic, nude or erotic images of yourself and shared them? Can I see?

11 thoughts on “Love Thy Self

  1. Interesting thoughts, the problem I have is even in photos now I see the photo of me overweight! I am not at all voyeuristic when it comes to naked/nude/partially bare pictures, but I am I think the same as you with people around me. a real people watcher.

    I had “professional” photos done earlier this year… and I found it so hard just to relax as I was all too aware of not showing my bad tooth (I have an old veneer cover with blackening around it), or not smiling too much (as I have crow’s feet that are deep when I smile).

    My favourite photo is one that looks nothing like me – with shades on and not smiling!

    • Hiya Jo x It’s odd how we have such distorted views of ourselves – my sister and I have joked that when we look in a mirror we actually see ourselves thinner but when we see ourselves in a video or photograph, THAT is when we see reality.. funny innit! I think it must be very empowering having pro photos taken from what others have said – was your fave photo one of the pro ones? And out of all the photos I’ve seen of you, I’ve never noticed anything about your teeth – and you have a great smile btw :) So that’s a lesson I guess – what we focus on is not what others look at necessarily. And if something really worries us, why do we put off doing something about it? Another post maybe… xxx

  2. I have never personally had erotic or nude shots done of myself but I have taken many for many different people. And have taken a few of myself for others lol. I agree that taking them yourself is one thing and having to bare it to others something else entirely. But even if you just get a few shots of you that make you feel beautiful, that you can hang on a wall in your bedroom to remind yourself how beautiful you really are everyday, I think it could make a huge difference. We are all born imperfect, and our imperfections, the things that make us different, are often the things that are the most stunning and personal traits we have.

    • Sierra – woo hoo! haha yes online romances tend to lend themselves to digital eroticism for sure eh. I absolutely love your insight and agree that those little individual traits are what make us stunning – I know I just have to learn to love mine too *slaps ass* x

  3. Hi Sarah, I had some pics done after I had my boys. I really enjoyed the experience
    And it helped my confidence a lot as my thinking was if I can
    Do this I can do anything ! The company I used was mightyaphrodite and they
    Were excellent. I think they might still have a pic of me on their website!!

    I would definately recommend doing it – if it’s a good photographer they
    Will bring out your best assets so to speak !!

    Michelle x

    • Hiya Michelle! I’m going to go find MightyAphrodite now to see if I can spot you, you gorgeous woman x I hear a lot that it feels very empowering and I know I’ll get someone else to photograph me at some point.. not quite sure when that point will be though *Lol* In the meantime I’ll continue to try and take some arty snapshots when no-one is looking. And yes, make the changes I need to make in order to stop whining about myself too! ;o)

  4. Hello, I stumbled across your YouTube diaries and I simply had to make contact with you and share with you. In a nutshell: any extreme food diet is really another way of obtaining self control – and usually it’s obtaining self control at the expense of reason and lifestyle. I know what I’m talking about – I was a strict vegeterian for 12 years which included 3 years of being a strict Vegan which included a whole year of eating raw, and finally being a leaf eater only. Let me tell you, as a nutritionist (that’s my job!) it doesnt matter what gurus say and it doesnt matter how many supplements you take – these extreme food diets (and raw only IS extreme) are damaging. There are numerous studies showing that women who consume the right level of minerals whilst on these diets, don’t express it in their bloodwork. What does that mean?? It means you can’t force your body to absorb what you put into it. The fact is, fresh food IS better than processed junk food. However, the best diet includes meat (yes sorry) and lots of fresh produce and lots of whole grains and does not fall into extreme eating patterns. Just to share, when I was a Veg I was emotional, edgy, easily upset – a confused mess. Now that I eat everything I am much happier. MUCH happier. I don’t lie awake with a train of thought charging through my mind – extreme dieting releases chemicals in the brain which make you more ‘alert’ all the time. Not alert as in ‘clarity’ alert as in HURTING. Know the feeling? If you are slumping in and out of raw eating – your body is probably trying the binge you out of it. STOP FIGHTING YOUR BODY, just eat what you like and stop obsessing and believing that raw food makes you a better person. That is not necessarily true. Oh, and by the way, since I started eating for REAL (ie, all foods) I have had the energy to exercise and I have lost 30kgs (i think thats 60 pounds for you??) over 6 months. I really feel for you – you seem so earnest and honest about your difficulties keeping this lifestyle up. Please, stop forcing yourself. Good eating is NOT a struggle, it’s a rest. Good luck!

  5. Hey Sarah

    Slim waist and nicely shaped cheeks :) This is the way forward, trust me. Take hundreds of photos and pick the ones you like. Crop out bits you don’t like if necessary but never airbrush. This is the real you. Start to love yourself a bit at a time :)

    Combine that with the enthusiastic comments of an appreciative lover and you can start to build a foundation of self approval from which to grow x

    Re what Ruby said. I think the vegan Ruf would disagree totally about extreme diets as self control. His choice not to eat meat is an ethical one, a lifestyle choice rather than a diet.

    However, I think I know what she means and it’s a question of mindset, particularly for those of us with obsessive/compulsive natures. I agree with her that some lifestyle choices when it comes to diet can be affected by the underlying mindset of the woman concerned and, for some, it is better to have a balanced diet that includes elements of those lifestyle choices but is underpinned by regular exercise. As they keep saying on Embarrassing Fat Bodies, if the number of calories you consume exceeds the number that you use on a daily basis, even by 1 or 2, you will start to put on weight.

  6. Sarah, I want to first make it known that I am male. I have never had any professional pictures but being in the military and a 30 something I have on occasion been naked in front of a webcam ;D I don’t have any erotic type photos but could definitely share some with you or even a video or two. I absolutely LOVE the picture above and would love to see more! I think you look GREAT!!!

    • What a great comment, thank you :) Unfortunately I’m a yo yo dieter and that pic was taken ooh back in 2011, so I wouldn’t get too excited. Mind you, I have some plans for this year to get back on the fitness wagon and maybe document the journey.. I’m not quite sure the relevance of ‘being in the military’ – my ex husband is in the RN and in my experience that doesn’t mean any particular body type apart from maybe ‘Dad bod’ haha. Feel free to send me pics if you like (no video though!) to [email protected]

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