In order to love thy self one must be able to look – really look at at who you are.
On the inside and the outside.
Today, I’m talking about the outside.
I have a fascination for looking at others – not only watching people as I’m sat drinking a bloody mary with Bird somewhere, but also looking at people in photographs, or through the eye of a lens on either my iPhone, webcam or Canon Ixus 97015.
I’m not a photographer – I’m a happy snapper and I’d like to thank Gary for encouraging me to do that, many moons ago. To withold the judgement I heap on myself and just start capturing the moments that capture my eye. For my own pleasure.
There is a voyeur in me for sure. And it’s not just others I like to frame but also myself.
I have a love/hate thing going on with looking at myself. No matter how young/old I am or feel. And the funny thing is, how shocking I find the reality that the camera lens gives me.
I also like that I can keep snapping away in this new digital age until I find an angle or light that makes me smile and go YES! I would share this. And in fact I am getting increasing urges to share photos of not only myself but also others, on my site.
Images that I think are beautiful or erotic or raw with emotion or a combination of all three.
You may have seen various bits of me already throughout this site – well, definitely if you’ve ever watched my videos *lol* but I do have some vanity, so love it when I can capture myself in a still image and think… yeah, I want to look at this.
My friend Bird, has already taken the plunge and shared a whole lot of her beautiful self on her website and I think she may have uploaded images on to her Facebook page too. The lady who has photographed her has also offered to photograph me. Another friend, G, has offered too. But I’m hesitant.
It’s one thing to angle a camera myself and quite another to reveal myself in front of others. To have someone to really scrutinise every part of me, see all my imperfections in detail. To trust them to capture something that will make me fall in love with myself. Not loathe myself.
And what would it convey? Sensuality? Honesty? Earthiness? Mother? Desire? Revulsion? Fascination? Something else?
I find it hard enough to bare myself with my lover.
Yet there is a part of me that wants to just strip off and run around naked and say LOOK AT ME! *lol*
So maybe, I need to start capturing myself on film again. As I am right now. All rolls and folds, blemishes and saggy bits… but with eyes and cleavage to distract from those a bit when I’m feeling vulnerable. Maybe. Maybe I need to start looking for what I love about my body. And share that.
How powerful would that be?
Have you ever taken artistic, nude or erotic images of yourself and shared them? Can I see?