Feeling Joy

I’ve been so out of touch with myself, I’ve only fully realised recently, how I squash my feelings of joy and excitement.

WTF!!!

I’ll feel that stirring inside my belly, like butterflies, sort of making me feel a bit uneasy and then my mind kicks in and says – ‘think about something else.’ Or, maybe it will say, ‘be objective Sarah’.

“Don’t get too excited, it may never happen”

Whoa. That is what just popped in my head as I was mulling it over.

I can hear my Mum saying that to me. In fact I’m wondering if the exact phrase is – “It will probably never happen”.  Since when did the phrase to soothe someone into not worrying that something ‘bad’ may happen, get transplanted in my head to not worry that something ‘good’ will happen.

Ok bear with me here as this is a bit of a revelation for me.  When I start writing, at this moment in time, I’m never quite sure what will come out.

*breathes*

Inside of me is a little kid and I occasionally let her out – especially if she’s getting excited about someone else’s idea, happiness, or good fortune. But if that may have an impact on me in any way on a personal level, I start to feel uneasy and I would go so far as to say – deadpan. I’ll separate myself from any possibility that I may be included in that fun event using words and body language, not only with myself but outwardly to the other person – even if that may impact the happiness they may be feeling.

I recently started asking myself – why?

What’s going on here? I WANT to jump up and down with excitement and  start dreaming and visualising things happening FOR ME too. And writing this now, I have only gawn and got the fricking clarity that it’s because I sub conscoiusly think to myself. It’ll probably not happen. And if it does, probably not how I want it to happen. And if it does happen I may not like it.

And on and on and on probably.

OMG I’m actually laughing here – out loud.  Laughing at the absurdity of it all and of a major mind game I’ve played on myself and how fucking FREE I’m feeling right now. Woo Hoo!

Because now I know – I can start to interrupt that internal dialogue when it starts AND LET MYSELF FEEL JOY… and anticipation and excitement and laughter and closeness and intimacy and loving and probably so many more things.

I’m having such a moment of pure happiness right now, I’m crying. hahahhaha.

Bloody hell. Ok I’m going to leave you with a video from the wonderful Amanda Gore from The Joy Project.com – when I first came across her, I spent ages watching ALL her videos immediately and if you do the same, I defy you to not smile.

Do you feel you squash your joy? Leave a comment by scrolling down the page and writing in the box.

Zoot zoot zoot x

6 thoughts on “Feeling Joy

  1. aw bless you babe! sometimes I feel such joy I want to scream and dance and cry and the rest of the time I’m forgetting that I can access that any time I choose… :)

  2. I think as we get older we don’t have the child like burst of excitement and joy moments, but why not. I sometimes get the giggles and proper cannot stop giggles… it is exhausting and such a release in equal measures.

    To be happy is one of the most important things in life, so no matter what the inner voice is spouting just smile and bring a happy thought into mind – inner voice might just start shutting up! x

  3. Good god, that woman’s bonkers. Had to watch through to the end though.

    Here’s a good quote:

    “You can wait your entire life for everything to be perfect, or you can live and find out maybe, one day, that it just is.”

    • aka k – You make me laugh every time! And yes she is barmy which is why we love her lol. Nice to see you’ve found my profile on FB for that great quote eh – why not send me a friend request or are you worried about me knowing your real identity hmm? ;o) In the meantime, I’m wondering when I get the privilege of reading YOUR blog…

  4. You won’t find my real name on the fbook profile from whence I visited your page LOL. So maybe I might :)

    hhhmmmmm should I remove incriminating photos first though ???

    As for the blog, I’ve hardly written anything there recently.

    • Your secret life must be VERY juicy K if you don’t even use your real facebook profile for visiting pages! I most def want to see any incriminating photos lol and I don’t care on the frequency of your blogging – am just interested to see what you write about :)

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